Good vs Bad Values

I dated a girl a while ago who stopped wanting to date me because she felt i wasn’t her type. she wanted to date someone that was more safe.  I made her feel uncomfortable and while i’m honest, i was a bit too much of a player.  she wanted a more safe type of guy.  someone more humble, more down[…]

Fear of Losing Love

As i’ve been working on my insecurities, there’s a few points that are critical to know in the background.  I’m insecure when it comes to love.  not casual relationships, not friendships, not humanity.  when i’m deeply in love, when i’m vulnerable, when someone else loves me. I push people really fucking hard.  It’s been 20 years, 40 people i’ve lived[…]

Cherish the Frame

I’ve waited for you…. to come home… so long…What you’ve been thinking… you only know… It’s hard to think only for myself…. The thoughts come of only life without you…. And a panic overtakes me…..  how can you just be a memory….  when i have this picture of you….. You left … but your picture in the frame… waits for[…]

Blame yourself a bit more….

When i think about my relationships, I often make it a clear point that my partners reacted to me, and i tend to not have much patience, short temper, lack compromise… etc.  i focus generally on how our incompatibility comes from the difficulty it is to deal with me…. and sure enough, people often say “don’t beat yourself up so much”[…]

Start Wearing Purple for me… NOW!

This is about fetishes/kinks.  Back in my early 20s, i was a cheater.  it took a long time for me to come out of that mentality and learn my lessons on how to handle a relationship… but that’s another story.   I was married…. and dating this girl in Hiroshima. She was really lonely and wanted attention. I was cheating. And[…]

Abuse and the Beast…..

I’ve had some abusive relationships… hell… even my family was abusive.  I’ve had anger management issues, physical abuse control issues, mental…. and i’ve had partners that abuse me too.  just some nasty, horrible, turbulent relationships.  oddly my friendships are generally healthier… but that’s not the point.  it takes 2 to have a relationship, but the point of this isn’t what[…]

2 year anniversary of a happy day……

Today is the 2 year anniversary of the happiest day of my life….. 2 years ago on this day … this woman entered my life…. She’s got a smile and energy when she walks into a room…. that captures every heart. Everyone loves her…. and can’t help adoring her…. sometimes i hate how much she’s loved by everyone…… adored by[…]